Like A Hole in The Head
by Riverlee11
Summary: Hermione loves someone... powerfully
1. Why?

I know right the title SUCKS! I can usually think of SOMETHING, but nothing was coming to me…This will do for now. I know it doesn't look like with this chapter, but it's a Hermione/Ginny oneshot (with multiple chapters… sounds stupid eh?) Don't like it, don't read but it's anything but explicit! It's angsty, but I love angst so expect nothing less. Any errors are my own, I don't have a beta.

I don't own, Hermione, or Ginny or anyone or anything else in the Harry Potter universe, I'm just playing with the for a bit before I put them back in their box.

Please review. It really does make my day, LOL.

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**Pain**

She stared off into space, out the window. _Why?_ It was a question she always asked herself. _Why is it always like this? Why am I here? Why are you there? Why won't you admit it?! _She wanted to cry. She wanted to punch, and kick and scream. She wanted to do something, anything, instead she just sat there, staring at nothing.

She'd like to say she doesn't know when it started, or why, or even how, but she knows those answers just like she knows that she can't change how she feels, no matter how she wishes it otherwise. They think of her as 'bookish', it's true she's smart and knows what she's talking about but this isn't something that you learn from a book, this isn't something she could go and find a cure for. _Although, why not?_ _Shouldn't there be something?_ She barked out a short laugh, there was something, but even that, she knew was too extreme, she wouldn't actually consider it. Yet she wanted to do something, something to make it stop.

She heard someone on the stairs, and then open the bedroom door. She didn't turn around, she didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't want to see anyone. She especially didn't want to see HER. The intruder didn't say a word. No one has really spoken to her for a few days, not unless she talks to them first. They don't see the point if she isn't going to answer them and if it isn't her who has started the conversation she just won't answer them. Right now was no different, she heard the person rummaging about, not even caring who it was and what they were doing, then she heard them leave and shut the door again behind them. Seemingly giving her back her privacy. But the way she saw it, it was only fake privacy. Anyone entered anytime they felt the need and sometimes she even felt like they were checking on her. _Spying on me. Why can't they leave me alone? I just want to be alone, to suffer alone and in silence! _She knew how weird that sounded, who wanted to suffer alone and in silence? But as no one could help, she wondered why she would want to be around people.

She moved over to the bed, and lay down in the foetal position clutching at her chest. It hurt. It physically hurt and she still wanted to cry. She felt numb, besides the pain in her chest. She felt no emotion except this love that she harboured."Why won't you admit it?" she whispered menacingly. _Why can't you just admit, to me. Is that a lot to ask? _She knew it was, she knew what it would mean. Couldn't they be alone? Who would have to know? _Everyone eventually?_

She curled up tighter and clutched at her chest harder. She wanted to do something to make the pain stop, to take her mind off it and onto something else. She wanted to hurt herself. She desperately wanted to make herself feel another kind of pain. _Please make it stop_. She pleaded with any higher being that would listen. _Can I take much more of this?_


	2. What?

There was absolutely no reason for this to be split into multiple chapters except I felt like it :)

* * *

_*_Knock, knock, knock.*

_Someone is knocking on the door? Someone is actually knocking?_ Hermione took a few deep breaths to try and settle herself down. She considered not answering it, but since they took the time to actually knock she figured she may as well see who it was. Taking one, last deep breath before saying, "yes?"

"Hermione? It's me," _dang, it's HER, _"Can I come in?"

"Why are you even bothering to knock and ask? Why don't you just come in like everyone else?" Hermione realised she was being nasty but couldn't help herself. "Come to check up on me?" She asked as the person behind the door opened it enough to slip through before closing it again.

"Hermione, please. Stop being like..."

"Being like WHAT?"

"This... THIS! What's going on with you? You were fine a few days ago."

"Are you kidding? Go on, say a few more things to show you truely understand nothing!"

Both girls sighed at once. "I just want to help you Mione, please. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." Silence. "It's nothing."

"This is not nothing. You think I'm stupid?"

"What would you care? You're just making it easy on yourself. You don't wanna hear it Ginny!"

Ginny was stunned into silence. She wasn't sure what to say back to Hermione. After a few moments she replied. "You know I can't Hermione."

"Run away then Ginny. Run away like you do with everything, and everyone else."

Both Ginny and Hermione were getting more and more upset and angry with each passing moment. Hermione heard Ginny take a deep breath, but she had turned away from the younger girl to face the wall.

"It's not like that... Mum sent me upstairs Hermione..."

"Oh so you ARE here to check up on me."

Ginny acted like Hermione had said nothing "... to tell you that dinner is ready. Come down soon? Before it get cold?" Ginny turned on her heel and walked out the door.

Hermione was ready to throw something at her. However, she was also ready to throw herself out the window. She liked Mrs. Weasley too much to want to get on her bad side again, she remember all too clearly what had happened in her fourth year, when the daily profit had accused her of playing around with Harry's heartstrings. Hermione snorted at that _Harry_'s _heartstrings? Harry is the last person I would want to be with._

Chuckling at the thought of her and Harry, she got up, went into the bathroom and washed her face with cool water. Looking up into the mirror and deciding she looked passable, she went downstairs and into the kitchen/dining room. Sitting at the table, well away from Ginny, she piled her plate with Mrs. Weasley's gorgeous food.

After dinner, and after the plates had been cleared away, she excused herself and went back upstairs, praying to Merlin that Ginny didn't follow.


	3. Walk Away

Happily, Ginny must have decided not to try and talk to Hermione again, because she hadn't followed her, nor did she come into the bedroom until late into the night. Hermione had just started to drift off to sleep when she heard Ginny come into the room. If they didn't share the bedroom, Hermione knew she would have been cranky, as it was, she was trying very hard not to get irrationally cranky.

She heard Ginny fumble around in the darkened room. She probably didn't want to turn on the light, in fear of waking Hermione up. Hermione almost put her out of her misery by telling her she was still awake... Almost. Hermione had never considered herself mean, but these past few days... She probably could have behaved better towards the girl who had just kicked the foot of the bed and could be heard jumping around in pain, still trying very hard to not make too much noise.

Hermione was facing into the room, and she opened her eyes just a little to see what was going on, and the sight would have been enough to break her, if she hadn't been feeling so numb these past few days, and there wasn't a tiny part of her that was happy that Ginny was in so much pain.

Ginny had stopped jumping around and had sat on the edge of her bed. She was clearly still in a lot of pain as she brought her foot up onto the other knee and held it tightly. After a few minutes, Ginny's head slumped forward, her foot fell off her knee and Hermione could see silent sobs wrack her small frame. Hermione 'in her sleep' rolled over to face away from Ginny. She didn't want to see this; she knew she was the cause of it.

A few minutes later Hermione heard the bed creak with movement, and she suspected that Ginny had gotten in it to go to sleep but a few seconds after that she felt a small, soft hand on her shoulder.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked softly. "Are you still awake?"

Hermione rolled over just enough so she could turn her head and look at Ginny. "Yeah," she replied softly.

"Hermione, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For what?!" Ginny stood up. "Why are you being so mean Hermione?"

Hermione followed suit and stared Ginny down but said nothing.

"Why can't you just tell me what's going on."

"You don't want me to tell you Ginny. You never have!" Hermione's voice was rising again.

"FINE!" Ginny turned to walk away. Completely intending to walk out the door and back downstairs even though it was 11:30 at night.

Hermione grabbed her wrist and spun Ginny around to face her before she could even take a step. "You want to know what's wrong? YOU! That's what's wrong Ginny. I know how you feel! I know what you want, and I know why you won't take it!"

Ginny interrupted. "Stop it Hermione! I don't! I'm not gay!" Ginny was shaking, but Hermione wasn't sure why. Anger? Fear? Something else?

"I'm not asking you to be gay Ginny! I'm asking you to admit to the truth!"

"I DID just admit to the truth Hermione! Let go of me!"

Hermione let go of Ginny's wrist, starting to feel defeated. The pain was back, she wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. This was a disaster, but it was a disaster waiting to happen. Turning away from Ginny she took a few deep, shaking breaths. Closing her eyes tight, _what am I going to do?_ _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._ She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"How much longer can you go on lying to me, and yourself? I know it's hard Gin, it always is. I know what you're afraid of. Being disowned. Ron is an ass and he would have the shits, sure, and your dad..." Hermione trailed off leaving the thought unsaid, then continued. "But the other's? If they're upset at first, they will get over it soon enough. You won't lose your mother, she will understand. She wants you to be happy Ginny. I want you to be happy, I wanna make you happy. I love you!" There, she'd finally said it.

Ginny didn't say anything, and Hermione heard the door open then close. She tumbled back into her bed and buried her head into her pillow. She started to cry. She buried her head deeper into the pillow, wanting to wail, but at the same time not wanting to wake the entire household. She'd made her run away... again. She was exhausted, mentally and physically, it wasn't long before she fell asleep.


	4. I know

The last little part...

* * *

Hermione almost jumped out of her skin when the hand touched her shoulder for the second time that night. Opening her eyes groggily she asked, "What's the time?"

"About 3 in the morning."

"Have you been out all night?"

Ginny nodded even though Hermione couldn't really see her. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Hermione?"

"Hrmm?"

Silence.

Hermione turned around so she could face the younger girl. Tentively she put her hand to Ginny's cheek.

"What is it Gin?"

"Tel... Tell me again?"

Hermione mind was working at about half the pace as usual, and it took her a while before she realised what Ginny was asking. At least, what she HOPED Ginny was asking and she wasn't going to send her straight through the door again. Almost inaudibly, and shyly she said "I love you Ginny."

Ginny threw herself at Hermione and buried her face into her shoulder and began crying. Hermione wrapped her arms around her smaller frame. "I'm scared."

"I know."

"I want you."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

"But I'm not gay."

"I know.... I told you I'm not asking you to be gay."

"Then what?"

"I'm asking that you be with 'me'. I want you, and love you too, not because you're a girl, but because of who you are. Do you understand? I didn't fall for a girl, I fell for YOU, Ginny Weasley."

Ginny nodded weakly.

"I know it's very strange and confusing," Hermione leant back slightly and took Ginny's face in her hands. "We don't have to 'take this fast' and no one needs to find out. I want to make you happy Ginny, please, give me a chance?"

Ginny nodded once more. Leaning in slowly, Hermione captured Ginny's lips in a soft, tender kiss. Both girls closed their eyes savouring the moment. Hermione pulled out of the kiss and looked at the gorgeous girl in front of her who still had her eyes closed. "That ok?"

Ginny nodded, smiling.

Hermione gave an answering smile. "Good."

"Mione?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been an ass."

"I'd say 'I know' but I can understand."

"I've loved you for years now. I didn't want to admit it because that makes my life more difficult. I can't deny it any longer though. No matter how confusing my life becomes, I love you Hermione Granger! I know we established that like... oh.. 10 minutes ago, but I wanted to get that out in the open."

"Gin, I'm sorry for being a mean asshole these past few days. I don't know why, but living with you this time, became un-bearable. It hurt Ginny."

Ginny hugged her tightly."I'm sorry."

"I think we should get some sleep."

"Yeah... Oh, hey, Hermione?"

Hermione glanced questionly at Ginny as she was about to get into bed.

"Um... Will... Can you sleep in here tonight?" Ginny gestured at her own bed. "I mean... er... that is to say... um... I don't wanna do anything... Just sleep."

Hermione was sure that if the light was on, she would have seen Ginny turn the colour of her hair. That didn't matter though. Ginny's question gave her butterflies.

"Yeah, ok sure."

Both girls climbed into bed. They gave each other a small goodnight kiss, before moving so Hermione was spooning Ginny.

Hermione's worst day had just turned into her best and lightly kissed Ginny's ear, who mumbled back sleepily. She wanted this girl in her arms, but she wasn't going to push anything. Plus, she could wait, it'd be worth it. Smiling she drifted off to sleep.


End file.
